Failed detox: Part One


by Emmy

I am going to do a month long detox. I am going to do yoga. Go swimming. Walk at least one hour every day. Stop drinking coffee. Do a juice cleanse. No gluten. No sugar. No dairy. No meat. No caffeine (like NONE). Seriously I think I was in a we-sold-our-house-and-have-no-where-to-live-false-sense-of-security-frame-of-mind. When I look at that I think Emmy … what on earth were you thinking? Not only did I say I was going to do all that … I went and freaking published it on Instagram for the whole world (ahem 3K+) people to see. Like seriously? Only one word for this type of thinking. CRAY. (Yes I am aware that isn’t actually a word).

Although I didn’t actually achieve DETOX EMMY last year, I did manage to feel a shift. I feel like maybe it is okay that I failed and okay that I am honest in saying I failed. And not feel bad that I failed. But I did fail.

I managed to go 20 days without coffee. Now that is a huge achievement if you know how much I truly love / depend on the black stuff.

Day one to day three of no caffeine were the hardest. Oh the headaches. I was like a cranky, overtired, migraine, snappy bear. No one wanted to come near me. I actually think hubby was walking behind me with a sign that said BEWARE CAFFEINE COMEDOWN MAMA. But upon reflection I actually did feel a bit better not having upwards of five shots of espresso a day. More stable and less coffee high followed by coffee low … but by day 20 I was like ‘damn lady just have a coffee’. And I did. And I fell back into the vortex of espresso. Now I have days when I have none and others when I have a few … balance you know? I am all about the balance.

In the middle of my 20 caffeine free days I was also lucky enough to try the Schkinny Maninny 5 day juice cleanse. Now I have always wanted to try a five day cleanse and earlier last year I did a three day cleanse (which was supplementing my diet as I was still breastfeeding). I actually felt like such a #blogger when my juice cleanse arrived in its little box. Like EEEK this cleanse is here and it is all for me. In a nutshell Schkinny Maninny deliver freshly squeezed juices to your door every morning. I am up pretty early but they were always there sitting outside my door in the cutest little esky you ever did see. Six bottles of juice which are meant to sustain me all day. I was a bit sceptical as like hello I LOVE FOOD. But you know what? They actually do fill you. Six juices is a LOT to get through the day.

It was a like juice cleanse roller coaster.

YAH I am doing a juice cleanse. FUCK why am I doing a juice cleanse? YAH I feel so light. Ah shit I am so cranky! WAHOO I have made it through another day. NOOO I have more days to go. YES I think my tummy is less bloated. AHH NOPE it is just because I did a poo. You get the picture.

Day three was probably the hardest for me. But I found that if I sipped on the juices it was more sustaining. So one juice would take about 40 mins to drink. I also drank LOTS of water. I think if I had been on a retreat in Bali (without kids or work) this five day juice cleanse would have been heaven. But in reality I did find it challenging to manage the day to day of #mumlife.

I think maybe if you’re a busy mama the three day cleanse is possibly more manageable. Or if you were not working. I found working in a restaurant carrying out food to tables was, well, honestly just a bit like torture. Here is a cheesy garlic bread … as I walk back to the fridge and have a sip of my juice.

Overall I did feel more alert, less bloated and motivated to eat healthy. But maybe next time I do a five day juice cleanse I might fly myself off to Bali or at the very least ship the kids off to Nonna’s for a week.

Stay tuned for Failed Detox: Part Two; where I share my detox beauty routine. Or lack of it, as it would seem.

P.S. Sorry there are not many photos; for those who follow me on Instagram @the.oneills; you will know I had to get a new phone and lost ALL of my photos. Insert all kinds of crying emojis here … but I’m still smiling.


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