You know that voice in your head? You might think it’s your logical side or your voice of reason. It says things like “Oh no, that won’t work” and “Nope, you’ll never be able to do that!” or “You’re not quite pretty / smart / fit enough to do that!” It talks you out of taking risks, applying for jobs, asking someone on a date. It never shuts up and constantly holds you back! That’s your ego, or as Melissa Ambrosini has named it, your Mean Girl. Everyone has one and everyone can benefit from learning how to (gently) close the door on it.
Melissa began the long road to mastering her mean girl when she hit rock bottom, landing herself in hospital with nothing to do but ponder where life was taking her. She set out to quiet that nagging little voice inside her head that was making her work a job that didn’t light her up, maintain friendships that didn’t serve her and have relationships that were toxic. Six years later, she has a thriving business, a divine husband and stepson, and now a best selling book! She credits her now blissful life to learning how to lovingly close the door on that negative talk inside her head and she teaches us how we can too, in her book Mastering your Mean Girl.
I’ve long been a follower of Melissa via her Instagram and Website. Her positive outlook is contagious and her message is motivational, so of course I couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy of her book! Her goal is to help women create a life that is wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love. Sign me up! I had high expectations of this book and it didn’t disappoint. There are so many nuggets of wisdom throughout, so many ‘A-ha’ moments. Her thinking is so refreshing and I believe truly life changing.
The book is broken down into three parts in which she details her plan to help you become wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love. Each chapter has inspiring ‘Soul shares’ and ‘Inspo-action’ activities to keep you on track and walking the talk. Plus there’s an online ‘members area’ on her website where you have access to the Mastering your Mean girl guided meditations and the ‘Activation toolkit’ where you are able to download the inspo-action activities and soul shares, plus other goodies. As Melissa says herself, mastering your mean girl is no walk in the park. It takes work and is a constant commitment to living life this way, which is why she has created the inspo-actions and the website to guide you. There is also a Mastering Your Mean Girl 10 Week Activation Program (at an additional cost) to hold your hand along the way – which I can’t wait to dive into!
We were lucky enough to chat with Melissa recently about the book, life, and her tips for mums trying to master our mean girls with a velcro baby attached to our hips!
1. Melissa, we love your book and have called it ‘life changing’ on so many occasions. The only way I can think to describe your way of thinking is ‘Enlightened’, do you feel that way and how is it that you got to this place?
Thank you for your kind words, that’s very sweet, but I am far from ‘enlightened’, I am just a regular gal who learned how to master her Mean Girl and live the life of her dreams. How I got to this place was back in 2010 I hit rock bottom and ended up in hospital with a whole host of health issues plus depression and eating issues. It was there at rock bottom that I knew I had to turn my life around, and so I did.
2. As fate would have it, we read your book right before we decided to start The Merge Journal. Our Mean Girls were having a field day when we first started and we doubted ourselves a lot but the lessons from your beautiful book allowed us to stomp all over that nasty bitch and push on! So many stay at home mums (and dads!) have amazing business ideas but doubt their capabilities and never take the idea to the next level – what advice can you give to those of us with a business idea (or any idea for that matter) and a bossy Mean Girl standing in the way?
Read my book, STAT! Seriously, if you want to let go of that fear based way of thinking that’s stopping you from living your dream life and starting your dream career then Mastering Your Mean Girl is a must read.
3. You’re a step mama to your husband’s beautiful boy Leo and seem to have an amazing relationship with him. It can’t be easy being thrown into the deep end with an instant family, how did you nurture that relationship to make it as strong as it is now?
I don’t see it as ‘being thrown into the deep end’, I (just like everyone else) am creating my life moment to moment and this is a choice I have made. Both mine and Leo’s souls chose each other long before we actually met for the first time, which was when he was 5 years old, he is now 10. That’s the way I choose to see it anyway. But that doesn’t mean it’s always rainbows and butterflies, absolutely not! We commit to strengthening our relationship daily. I choose to practice presence and unconditional love with Leo (and everyone for that fact) all the time. I believe that’s the best way to nurture any relationship.
4. What are your non-negotiables when it comes to raising Leo and any future children? How do / will you nurture them to become the amazing people they’re destined to become?
When it comes to parenting my husband and I are constantly inspiring him to be his unique self. We empower him to make his own choices by presenting different options to him and letting him choose what feels right for him.
5. Mum life is all encompassing and most of the time we don’t even get to do a wee alone. We know you’re a fan of scheduling in time for yourself but with small children at home it can be near impossible. Any tips for mums with babies and toddlers at home full time?
I share a lot of tips in my book about this but one of the best things you can do is embrace the moments when you can i.e. when the kids are playing, sleeping or maybe your partner or mum is watching them. Soak up those moments, even if all you get in is 3 deep belly breathes, that’s all it takes to come back to your centre. Try it! You won’t regret it.
6. As well as nurturing ourselves and our little people, we also have the relationship with our other halves that demand some nurturing from time to time! Amongst the fog of the early years of baby raising, taking care of the relationship with our partners is often the last thing we think about and it can suffer as a result. Do you have any nuggets of wisdom to share about how to nurture that bond amongst the chaos?
Your relationship with your partner is the glue of your family, it’s the foundation and needs love, nurture and attention. If the glue falls apart that’s when s&^t hits the fan, intimacy dies and you start to head straight for Unhappy Land. It’s simple! MAKE TIME! We are all full. We all have a to do list as long as The Thames, but if you don’t put in the time and energy the love will dissolve. Make time every single day. Even if all you have is one minute, that will make a massive difference. Have a cuddle before you get out of bed, shower together, turn off the TV, get cosy on the couch and have a tea after dinner and when the kids are in bed. Jump into bed earlier and talk. Plan a date night every fortnight. Get creative and make the time if you want your relationship to last. Think of it like a bank if you are constantly making withdrawals and no deposits you’re going to be in debt. But if you are making deposits daily you are going to be rich. I aim to do at least one sweet thing for my husband every day. Sometimes it’s sending him a ‘thinking of you and can’t wait to see you tonight’ text, leaving a post it note saying ‘you’re the most handsome man on the planet’ under his pillow, writing love notes on our bathroom mirror or giving him a massage when he get’s home from work. Again get creative here, you are only limited by your imagination.
7. Can you tell us something about yourself that our readers would be surprised to hear?
That I am not a vegan. Most people think I am for some reason.
Melissa Ambrosini is the best selling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, an entrepreneur, keynote speaker, and self-love teacher. In her signature straight-talking style, Melissa teaches women how to master their inner Mean Girl, smash through limiting beliefs, and ditch the self-doubt so that they can start truly living the life of their dreams. Named a ‘self-help guru’ by Elle Magazine, she is known for her inspirational live events, books, booming online community, her empowering Goddess Groups, game-changing online programs and her soulful guided meditations. Her mission is to inspire women across the globe to create a heart-centred life one that’s wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love.
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All images provided by Melissa Ambrosini.